Monday 2 December 2013

My reflections on the Pilling report have taken a somewhat different turn than I thought they would do. I welcome the thought that the Church of England is edging its way towards making it possible for us to celebrate publicly in church with those in faithful same sex unions. Even when we get there much more travelling will be needed before we can fully claim to be offering the love and acceptance of God freely and equally to all.

In the light of this I have been reflecting on my own experience of marriage and how others have blessed that in so many ways which can never so far be the experience of those in same-sex relationships. On our wedding day and throughout the whole of our married life Val and myself knew the wonderful blessing and celebration before God in which all our friends and family shared. We were always aware of how rich was the support, enjoyment and unfeigned love of so many with whom our lives have been intertwined over the years. There was never any context in which we had to hide the fact of our relationship, and never did we feel avoided and shunned because of our commitment to one another. There was full acceptance of us from start to finish! And since Val died in April of this year, the support and love I have received - through periods of grief and loss which have been far more devastating than I could have imagined - has been immense, freely and often quite sacrificially given. And some of my gay friends, two in particular, have been at the centre of that support and love which has helped me to cope, to grow and hopefully to flourish.

Yet, as I have been speaking recently with some of my friends, both lay and ordained, who are in same-sex relationships, it has struck me powerfully how they have had nothing as supportive as we have received so richly over the years. They have often encountered suspicion, rejection, humiliation - and worse - all because they are in love with someone who meets their deepest needs in line with how they have been created and gifted by God.

Throughout my ministry I believe I have tried to support my gay friends, parishioners, colleagues and students. Especially when I was Principal of Trinity College, Bristol it was important to me that those  ordinands whom I knew to be gay should receive the same encouragement and support as all others.

At the time I still held the view that same-sex relationships were somehow unwelcome in the light of certain verses in the bible. However over the past 12 years I have come to see that the kind of faithful same-sex relationships I am meeting are not at all the same as the illicit activity rightly decried in the 7 verses in the scriptures to which reference is made when looking at this subject. It is clear that some are gay and lesbian by the very creation and gifting of God who makes us to live in relationship with the one who meets our needs, as pictured in the Adam and Eve story. There God brings Eve to Adam who recognises with joy that he has been given the one who is a perfect partner for him. For those created with a same-sex orientation the principle of God's gift is the same, but their love and joy is completed in a partnership with one of the same sex.

I find this discrepancy between how the Church and our fellow Christians have blessed myself, my wife and many millions of others, and how grudging, condemning and rejecting the Church usually is to those in same-sex relationships, is a denial of the gospel of grace. For many, we make the good news into bad news!  

9 comments:

  1. Thanks for your post, and your story. Your road to empathy is powerfully told, even if we disagree about the Bible (I think the verses are applicable but wrong).

    Change may come from a coalition of people with different theological views.

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  2. David, thanks for your story, and the moving account of supportive relationships. I don't really follow your comment about 'offering the love and acceptance of God freely and equally to all'. I don't think for any of us this has involved approval of our ethical stance--otherwise how would any of us have been brought to repentance by the experience of God's love? And have you read Sean Doherty's testimony on the Living Out website?

    My wider concern is the separation in current debate between pastoral experience and theological reflection, and I think it does to some extent mark the Pilling report. Unless we can give good theological grounding for our pastoral responses, and conversely show how our theology works out pastorally, then it seems to me that both are deficient.

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  3. The phrase to which you refer Ian looks forward to the time when we will be free to extend the love and support to gay couples in the same way we have always done to heterosexual couples in marriage. This in no way suggests ignoring the need for repentance of sin, but it means treating gay and straight relationships in exactly the same way as I believe that God creates some to fulfil their love and calling in one way and some in the other.

    And I do not base my position on same-sex relationships on pastoral considerations but on a clear theology of the human person created in the image of God for realationship, and an understanding of scripture which while facing both gay and straight with the need for repentance when we have transgressed God's law, offers to all the possibility of living in faithful relationship in accord with the nature he has given. Given that basis, pastoral considerations lead me to be deeply saddened and penitent because of the discrepancy with which we have treated straight and gay relationships

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  4. Thanks Byron. I am very happy to acknowledge that different ones of us arrive at the same position from different theological perspectives and then join hands to witness to the inclusive nature of the gospel which we wish to commend to all.

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  5. "over the past 12 years I have come to see that the kind of faithful same-sex relationships I am meeting are not at all the same as the illicit activity rightly decried in the 7 verses in the scriptures to which reference is made when looking at this subject. It is clear that some are gay and lesbian by the very creation and gifting of God who makes us to live in relationship with the one who meets our needs, as pictured in the Adam and Eve story. There God brings Eve to Adam who recognises with joy that he has been given the one who is a perfect partner for him. For those created with a same-sex orientation the principle of God's gift is the same, but their love and joy is completed in a partnership with one of the same sex."

    This seems so obvious to so many faithful Christians (LGBT&straight allies alike), that it mystifies us when, in 2013, some Christians still argue (from positions of power&discrimination) against it. I have to trust that, in God's Good Time, the Holy Spirit will lead ALL "into all Truth".

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  6. I quite agree, JCF. It is now so clear to me that this is how God has created us - different, with needing the sex of partner that is appropriate to our creation and gifting - that I do sometimes find it difficult when others don't get it. But then I realise that for a long time I didn't get it so it is important to engage in the debate. I realise that some, maybe many in the LGBT community have become weary of this and I am more than happy in my small way to carry the flame!

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  7. JCF (hello again) we are all called to 'discriminate', in the sense of the discernment of the truth God is calling us to live in. Most people I know who hold to the 'traditional' view do not do so out of prejudice or power, but out of careful exploration of Scripture and theology. I am not sure it helps us forward to dismiss these very careful explorations.

    Also worth noting that in Western culture, it is this view (rather than yours) which now experiences prejudice from those in power.

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  8. How lovely, David, that you can acknowledge your change of heart in this important matter of human sexuality. I, too, believe that LGBT people are made in the same Image and Likeness of God as heterosexuals. One of the paramount requirements of our God-given human sexuality is that we use it responsibly. This can include either celibacy (if called to it) or a serious commitment to a life partner. As with heterosexual relationships, same-sex relationships also may require careful and responsible choices before commitment to the life-partnership. The Church should be involved in supporting and affirming all such.

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    Replies
    1. Good to have your kind thoughts from New Zealand, especially as I look forward to being in your country in February when I'll be staying with three former students of mine, all now clergy in the Church in NZ

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